a game of watch and learn
deftly you tackle the challenge
of form
how expansive your vocabulary
liberally sprinkled
so creative your word play
expertly trimmed of pronouns
not a nickel wasted on unnecessary
words
yet I’m drawn down this other corridor
not as pretty as yours
surely less educated in the proper proffering
but look how cleanly she bleeds
‘let’ there on the floor
entrails warm and glistening
while instinctively
fingers swirl a scarlet tale
painted graffiti style wild across the wall
and I retreat with sticky steps
haematic stains mark my enamour
This poem is linked to dVerse ~ Poets Pub. Pull up a stool and enjoy the fun.
Dark Angel 
Yes! Damn fine write.
Thank you Mama Zen, and Happy Birthday!
if poetry is too neat..it has the same effect on me and i’d rather go for the..graffiti style wild across the wall as well…love this…the pic gave me shivers though..
You are one of my favorite graffiti writers Claudia.
Wow! beautiful write. Claudia is right, that picture is spine chilling.
Yea the picture is a bit disturbing but appropriate to my metaphor don’t you think?
Love this, rough yet real-
*fingers swirl a scarlet tale*, so much that says
great work, dark angel- dark, yet bright…
Thank you Dulce you’re very kind.
nice…i am all about it being bloody…graffiti style is a good metaphor claudia…let the paint drip…ido like the art of tightening it up but…its got to be real…
I’m glad you like my metaphor Brian. Graffiti has become its own lawless kind of art.
Oooh. Another eerie, dark poem. The last 4 lines are like one humongous exclamation mark!
You made me laugh out loud Victoria.
i’ll take the raw emotion any day…
someone once told me that every time you sit down to write, you must open a vein…
nice piece!
Me too Kelly. So the prolific writers are the pale bloodless ones then 🙂
You should have heard the deep and raspy voice I turned to to read your second half. I’m surprised I didn’t release an evil cackle with the grin I wore as I read you aloud. The bloody image was a perfect introduction.
This is my favorite disgusting section:
“but look how cleanly she bleeds
let there on the floor
entrails warm and glistening”
(You have a typo in the third line I quoted: “let” should be “left.”)
You’re not the first to think it’s a typo… wonder if I should put in quotes. I actually was playing with the word let as in bloodletting.
Thanks for the great comment Shawna.
This is one of my favourite pieces….. All I can say is WOW.
Oh I’m thrilled bajanpoet!
I’ve pointed a fellow writer to this piece after her work was being criticized as being to ‘clinical.’
Awesome Bajan! We all have different opinions on what we like to read and don’t. I for one am not partial to sticky love sweet. Others however could read it for days. In the end, I believe, “real” is always best.
its honest. Nice write!
Thanks Borg Poet.
we surrender
willingly
to the words we desire
Peace
How true that is. Thanks RD
Nice poem! I’m all for opening a vein and letting the wild and raw images out on the wall. Great read!
I’m glad you like it Seek the Sun.
Visceral indeed. Excellent piece. so many great lines in here, and the idea of the corridor, the other corridor-very nice. Thanks
Hi Hobgoblin. I’m glad you think so.
well written & wonderful word choice.
eerie…reminds me of the Duke of Ferrara speaking, when he speaks of his ”Last Duchess.”
nice evisceration to demo that visceral feeling over the educated & intellectualised.
very different, but very good.
Thanks for commenting tinkwelborn. I like different.
Awesome and honest write.
Thanks Ayala.
Love your use of language, such exquisite images.
Thanks Andrea, I appreciate your comment.
i’m putting on my garlic necklace….
shivery stuff, darkangel.
Awe come on, its not that bad.
Dear Claudia… you paint words with blood… graffiti style.. liked it so much..
Shashi
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/11/whispers-sighs.html
At Twitter @VerseEveryDay
Hey Sashi. Thanks for the compliment but I’m not the esteemed Claudia.
I am finding some terrific poems today, this is one more to add to that ever lengthening list.
Thank you Tino. I love having such a great collection in one place, like the “Pub”.
this is pure vivid imagery…terrific metaphors…and that photo is wicked, too
Thanks Caty. That photo seems to be giving people the willies. 🙂
Rich and raw…excellent write!
Thank you Laura. I love your description.
Truly dark and wonderful!
Anna :o]
Thanks for reading me Anna.
Wild and raw can be wonderful! The balance of form and feeling is tricky, but of it’s a choice I’d go for feeling, IF it s expressed in such a way as to grab me by the guts!
😀
I guess the best poets can weave the two together without overworking the poem or downing us in… well, gut stuff.
Nice slick write tunnelled from the ethereal 🙂
Ahh is that where it comes from…
Ooooh. How voracious and rapacious! I love it! You swirl far more than a scarlet tale in this piece. It makes my humours rise with its clean and clinical yet warm and sanguine exposition. So yeah, forget form for this! Be drawn down I say… Great write 🙂
Ohhh how explicative and complimentary. How I love your comments Pervagus.
Exquisitely dark yet casting beautiful shadows! Write on!!!
Thank you sir. 😉